Child Support Offices - Who are they REALLY helping?

Hmmm, child support. This is one hot topic among parents sharing custody of one or more children. Here is a perspective from a once single mother who was not receiving monthly child support; me.

How many people have encountered problems trying to get assistance from their local child support office? I would be willing to bet that the percentages are high.

My daughter is eight years old. For the first five years of her life, I received child support from her father on a consistent basis. Soon, against my better judgment, I became dependent on this support. After all, I am the primary custodial parent and I pay for everything for my daughter, including health insurance and day care.

A couple of years ago, my problems with child support or lack there of began. Slowly, *Clay (the father) began to pay less and less of the child support per month. As mentioned in a previous hub, this put me in a very difficult financial hardship. What would be the first rational thing to do when you aren’t receiving court ordered child support? You contact the Child Support Enforcement office, right? Well, I did. That was three years ago and the child support owed to me is still in arrears.

I have been to court more times in the past three years than I can count on my fingers and toes but yet there has not been any solution to my problem. I have at times wanted to give up but then my daughter would look at me with her big, green eyes and say, “Mommy, why doesn’t my daddy love me? Why doesn’t he ever come see me?” It makes my heart hurt for her. I thought, “You know, you (the father) may not ever see your child, but you WILL pay child support if I have to go to court FOUR HUNDRED times.”

Of the many, many times that I went to court, nothing was even remotely accomplished. One of several things happens;

1. *Clay fails to show up and they issue a bench warrant that basically does what it says; sits on a bench because it is never served.

2. Another court date is set in order to give the *Clay yet another chance to come up with the child support.

3. *Clay will pay a SMALL lump sum the day before and then they say that he is making an “effort” until he once again begins his new cycle.

This cycle has continued for almost four years. I got wind that *Clay has connections with the court system. As you can imagine, this outraged me. I made an appointment to speak with Mr. Assistant District Attorney who oversees the enforcement of child support.

Hoping that maybe, just maybe, by talking to the assistant DA, it might shed some light on the case. As I sat in the waiting room to speak to the Assistant DA, I began talking to another woman who was there for virtually the same reasons. She told me that the assistant DA had told her child’s father that he (the DA) was going to do everything in his power to keep him (the father) out of jail. Are you kidding me? So, it wasn’t just me!

Her appointment was scheduled ahead of mine. The Assistant DA’s office is thin and I could hear almost everything he was saying. He must be a prerecorded tape because he repeated the very same things to me.

When I finally went in to see him, he asked me what I thought it was going to take to get it into the father’s head that he was going to have to pay child support. I thought, “Isn’t that YOUR job?” I told Mr. Assistant District Attorney, “LOCK him up! He is going to keep doing it if he is never punished for it.” His reply to me was, “Do you know how much it cost to house an inmate?” And your point is?

I informed Mr. Assistant District Attorney that *Clay had a brand new truck, boat and motorcycle. *Clay told me out of his own mouth that the truck cost more per month than the amount he pays in child support. There you go! There’s my child’s money paying for a brand new Avalanche.

Myrtle Beach was also an excursion that I mentioned to the Assistant DA. Do you know what he said? He asked me why I didn’t sell his motorcycle. How IN THE HELL am I supposed to sell something that doesn’t even belong to me? It makes about as much sense as the child support office itself. What a joke.

I asked the attorney this: “Why isn’t it considered child abuse that *Clay isn’t providing support for his child? If I didn’t feed, house and clothe my child then Social Services would be knocking down my door." He said it was because I was taking care of my kid. DUH! BUT, what if I wasn’t? Then, what would social services do?

According to the Prevent Child Abuse Kentucky website (http://www.pcaky.org/index.php ), the following describes child abuse. “Neglect is failure to provide for a child’s basic needs (food, clothing, shelter).” (http://www.pcaky.org/info_abuse_neglect.html ) Isn’t that what a parent who isn’t paying child support is doing; neglecting? The website also says that, “Emotional abuse is any pattern of behavior that impairs a child’s emotional development or sense of self worth. This may include constant criticism, threats or rejection as well as withholding love, support and guidance.” (http://www.pcaky.org/info_abuse_neglect.html )

Again, failure to pay the child support not only affects a child’s physical needs but their emotional needs as well. If a parent cares for their child, wouldn’t they provide child support for that child?

I would like to say that my trip to the Mr. Assistant DA’s office wasn’t in vain but unfortunately it was. Perhaps if the single parents who are owed child support money in my town united, and that would be one LARGE group, we could take on this office. I would love to see the look on the assistant DA’s face if we all showed up at his office. I am sure it would be one of those “deer caught in headlights” look. **In the words of the Ernest Hemmingway, "Isn't it pretty to think so?" - Chapter 19, The Sun Also Rises, Ernest Hemingway

*Names have been changed to protect the idiotic’s identity.

**Hemingway, Ernest. The Sun Also Rises.New York: Charles Scribner's Sons. 1954. Print.